18 Jul ARRAIAL DO CABO – 16 JULY 2019 – BILLY MOOD!

Today I wasn’t in the mood for anything. I slept bad, I had bad dreams and I woke up with a shitty face.

Lavinia spotted that in an instant and asked me what was the problem. I am not in the best of moods, I replied, I am exhausted as if a Black Hole exploded in the Universe and sucked all the energy away from me.

I am not depressed or sad, actually, I feel nothing and if I did it would be something dull. I feel like swearing with *uck and *ick, but I don’t.

These crises are stupid, especially those having no reason at all. I stay motionless and wait for it to go away or to figure out what or who has stolen my stamina.

An urgent pee forces me to go out and socialize. To the people with whom I laughed yesterday until dark I smile and pretend everything is ok. I don’t like sad and depressed people, dull people either so I rather pretended.

I thought of the bipolar and how nasty it should for one to laugh today and cry tomorrow and nothing to have changed in between. It’s like acting when you have an audience and being a total wreck when you are alone.

I asked myself if the illuminated had bad days. Bad days are when clouds cry and shade the sun. I think that we are like the weather, sunny, stormy, calm…

A shaman once asked me if I was a sad person with joyful moments or a joyful person with moments of sadness.

Good question!

I am happy, bro, that’s how I am, but I have shitty days too, ok?

***

DISPOZITIE BILLY!

Astazi n-am avut chef de nimic. Am dormit prost, am visat urat si m-am trezit cu o fata de cur.

Lavinia m-a vazut imediat si m-a intrebat ce am. N-am chef de nimic i-am raspuns, sunt stors de energie de parca a explodat o gaura neagra in Univers si mi-a absorbit toata veselia.

Nu ma simt depresiv sau trist, de fapt nu simt nimic si daca simt ceva simt sec. Imi vine sa injur urland cu ula si izda si morti dar nu o fac.

Sunt idioate crizele, mai ales cele bazate pe nimic. Stau fara expresie si astept sa-mi treaca sau sa-mi dau seama cine sau ce mi-a ingropat stamina.
Un pipi crunt ma scoate afara din barlog si ma forteaza sa socializez.
Fata de oamenii cu care-am ras ieri pana noaptea, zambesc si ma prefac ca nimic nu s-a schimbat.
M-am gandit la bipolari, ce naspa trebuie sa fie astazi sa razi si maine sa plangi fara ca nimic sa se fi schimbat.
Nu-mi plac tristii, depresivii si nici anostii asa ca eu am preferat sa ma prefac.

E ca si cum joci teatru cand ai public si cand esti singur sa fii un derapat.
M-am intrebat daca iluminatii au zile proaste.

Zilele proaste sunt cele in care norii plang si ascund soarele.
Eu cred ca noi suntem ca si vremea cu zile senine, vijelie sau cu soare.
Un saman m-a intrebat odata daca eu sunt un om vesel cu momente de tristete sau un om trist cu momente de veselie.

Buna intrebare!
Sunt vesel frate, asta sunt si mai am si zile de rahat, da?!