I was asked to give more detail on the word “absent” that I used in my post two days ago. I will explain by antithesis. 

You are present when you don’t think. You are present when you are. 

There are things that we do without being present, like cutting an onion. When you cut onion the mind thinks, analyzes and then you can cut yourself because you are not present. 

When you cut onion and you are present, you are what you do, you are that thing. The same thing happens with people. You can be there without being present. 

The children often ask me something and I don’t answer immediately. 

Then, they say:

“Dad, are you watching your wall again?”

They think I have a wall that I stare at inside my head. 

My eyes are wide open and I look at something I don’t see. 

I am often lost in my own thoughts. 

In those moments I am not present. 

Presence does not equal attention because you can pay attention without being present. Attention requires a willful action, but presence doesn’t.

I was gone one week from home. When I came back the children jumped on me asking me to tell them how it was. 

I offered them my attention and I answered all their questions and then I asked them to just listen and give me space to talk to Lavinia. 

With her, I was present, with them, not. 

Sometimes the children fight. It’s normal with brothers and sisters. 

Sometimes I get angry and get between them with authority, like a policeman that makes order. Then, I am not present. 

When you are not present, you don’t feel, you judge and you don’t love. 

Love is in the heart, not in the mind, when you are present, you love. 

We are not our mind, although we comprise it. 

Most of the time, we are mind and therefore not present. 

What is there to be done? 

To be honest, to apologize, express our feelings and simply say “I love you”.

That’s all!


Am fost rugat sa dezvolt termenul de “absent” pe care l-am folosit in postul de alaltaieri. O sa explic prin antiteza. 

Prezent esti cand nu gandesti. 

Prezent esti cand esti. 

Sunt lucruri pe care noi, oamenii, le facem fara sa fim prezenti, de exemplu cand taiem ceapa. Cand tai ceapa de multe ori mintea gandeste, analizeaza si atunci te poti taia pentru ca nu esti prezent. 

Cand tai ceapa si esti prezent, esti acel fenomen, esti ceea ce faci. 

Acelasi lucru se intampla si cu oamenii. 

Poti fi acolo dar sa nu fi prezent. 

Copiii de multe ori ma intreaba cate ceva iar eu nu raspund imediat. Ei spun atunci:

– Tati, iar te uiti pe peretele tau?

Ei au impresia ca am in cap un perete la care ma uit. Ochii imi sunt larg deschisi si privesc spre ceva pe care nu-l vad.

De multe ori sunt pierdut in ganduri. 

Atunci nu sunt prezent. 

Prezenta nu este atentie pentru ca poti sa fi atent dar sa nu fi acolo. Atentia implica o actiune voluntara pe cand prezenta nu.

Am fost plecat o saptamana de acasa. Cand m-am intors au sarit copiii pe mine sa le povestesc ce-am facut si cum mi-a fost. 

Le-am acordat atentie si pe rand le-am raspuns la intrebari dupa care i-am rugat doar sa asculte si sa-mi acorde spatiu ca sa pot vorbi cu Lavinia. 

Cu Lavinia am fost prezent, cu ei nu.

Cateodata copiii se cearta. E normal intre frati. 

Cateodata eu ma enervez si intervin intre ei cu autoritate, precum un politist care face ordine. Atunci, nu sunt prezent. 

Cand nu esti prezent, nu simti, judeci si nu iubesti. 

Dragostea este in inima, nu in minte, cand esti prezent, iubesti.

Noi nu suntem mintea noastra, desi o continem. 

De cele mai multe ori, suntem minte si atunci nu suntem prezenti.

Ce-i de facut? 

Sa fim sinceri, sa ne cerem scuze, sa ne exprimam sentimentele si sa spunem sumplu, “Te Iubesc”.


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